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Saturday, 18 April 2009

  • Strange musings...

    Ok, so a Datingish entry got me thinking. It was all about whether women know what they want.

    I think on one level, women do. I mean most woman want the dream... or then they want the... security. Once you realise the fairytale isn't possible.

    Just realised that I wrote "the security". Please excuse that.

    So that, what? The husband and 2.4 children? Or whatever is average now? The nice house, nice car, nice holidays... then obviously every individual person has variations on the theme.

    What the post on Datingish was about was whether, when going out on dates, do woman think about this stuff? Is it always their goal? And I would say yes and no.

    Yes, because we're always thinking about it... as an eventuality. Just as it is: a goal.

    No, because who wants to scare off a guy by saying they want commitment, and who wants to jump in that fast themselves anyway?

    Dating is just that. And when you start seeing someone, you aren't measuring them up against some kind of husband-yard-stick that's going to tell you that this guy is there for the long haul. You're asking different questions - whether you like spending time with this guy; whether he makes you laugh... whether you make him laugh?! Are you attracted to each other? Are your tastes the same, are your personalities compatible?

    Then after that you have to worry about how you fit into each others' lives and whether your friends will get on and approve of the relationship... it's all so complicated that marriage and long term thoughts often come after all the rest of the crap that needs to be sorted through when trying to commit to a new relationship.

    And that's before you get to looking over each others' baggage - meet the family, past relationships and all that jazz.




    Of course the long term relationship / marriage / eternal happiness is what every woman is looking for, but it's not that simple. And if it was it wouldn't be so worth having.

    And sometimes, by the time you realise that a guy isn't necessarily marriage material, you're already halfway in love with him and start clutching at straws... hoping, just hoping that maybe you're wrong and maybe someone will have a magic potion that will give you your happily ever after anyway.

Thursday, 16 April 2009

  • Forgot to say...

    We talked a little about past relationships. I specifically told him what had happened with Joe (The couple of nutshells version) and he said that he could relate ... ie: same thing kinda happened with his lassie...

    God when he hugged me goodbye (which obviously didn't stay as a hug goodbye...) and he was rubbing my back and then my hair, then held the side of my face... beautiful.
  • bleuuuurgh... sort of...

    I'm not really sure what I'm doing.

    I let ____ walk me home last night.

    Worse than that. I deliberately took ages over my last drink so that everyone that could drive me home had already left. I told them that I would walk home and that I would be fine.

    I specifically told my housemate that I would be walking home alone.

    Left the pub, and I think ____ was meant to have this other guy, S, staying with him so I said bye to S... and then started walking... got caught up by this other guy, Nick, that I only met last night who said he was walking the same way as me... and kept looking back and was making frustrated noises... and Nick was all "ok, who is it you want?" and I was just thinking 'well that's a little inappropriate, and like I'm going to tell you."

    Then ___ phoned me and asked whether I wanted him to walk me home. So I said that yes I did but that it was up to him...

    So I walked back to him, we both said bye to S (who probably now suspects something) and I took ___ home with me.

    To an empty house.

    Nuff said.

Sunday, 12 April 2009

  • Of Course - what was I thinking? That fate was actually going to be nice for a change?

    So, I asked ___ what the hell Thursday night was; was it just a one night thing or what? 'Cause a girl could go crazy waiting to know. Even if it did paint me as horribly insecure, I had to ask.

    He said sorry that he hadn't clarified it without me having to ask - and that was 'cause he was insecure. He said that Thursday night was brilliant, and that he doesn't normally do one night things - but that he's also "a bit sketchy about relationships at the moment". It's fair enough - basically the timing is all wrong. He got dumped by his girlfriend of three years for taking the job down here. Things moved incredibly fast Thursday, and he didn't think about the consequences; and that's what freaked him out.

    Of course. Because God forbid that when I like I guy it could actually be simple and straight forward.

    And now, while part of me wants to scream about how this could be so unfair - the other part of me is just saying "of course". I really wish that life would stop proving the cynical side of me right.

    And what's ridiculous is that because we hit it off so much, and this is more about timing; I want to hang on and hope - but I know that it will probably be less painful for me to just let it go. And I just want to know why, in all the time we were spending together, he didn't think to mention her?! Because then on Thursday night I would have hugged him, maybe kissed him; and then said goodbye!

    Never settle for the path of least resistance, living might mean taking chances but they're worth taking. Loving might be a mistake but it's worth making...

    I love that song. And normally I would agree whole heartedly - but now I know that what I have to do is stop myself from loving him. I'm not sure how close I came to it, but I know that I could have loved him.

    I'll still see him at the pub though. Still hang out with him as friends - and I'm not sure whether I can take that. Not seeing him until Wednesday evening, so I guess I'll find out then. I just want to... laugh to stop myself from crying. I didn't come right out and ask him "if it weren't for the shitty timing would you want to see where this could go?" because I'm not sure I could have dealt with the answer either way.

    I got the impression that he would, but that doesn't make things any easier.

Saturday, 11 April 2009

  • I hate this

    I had one reply from him... I assume when he got home from the pub... then nothing. I've text him again this morning asking whether he's alright... and I'm just really worried now. Just he makes this big thing about being a gentleman... like Thursday night I had to walk through doors first; silly little things like that.

    And we just hit it off so much that I didn't feel the need to ask him to wait on Thursday night because it just seemed so right and I thought he felt the same. And good god I'm hoping that the only reason I didn't get another reply is because he fell asleep...

    Well I guess I'll be seeing him at the pub tonight... I just hope things are ok. I don't want things to be weird; I really like this guy.

    Oddly enough, neither of my housemates know what happened Thursday night. I guess we weren't as loud as I thought.

    Although they are both fairly heavy sleepers too. :D

Jet_Cabusao

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    • Name: Jet
    • Gender: Female
    • Member Since: 6/21/2008

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  • I'm a tiny chocoholic, workaholic who snacks a lot and as such thinks she's fat... I'm pretty much obsessed with the performing arts: acting and dancing and such like. It is my job, hopefully one day my career as well as my main interest and hobby... I also like to read. And watch various tv series'. I have two older brothers and lots of pets... And I'm confused pretty much all of the time.

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